Tag Archives: grief

Testimony Tuesday

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” ‘Return home and tell how much God has done for you.’ So the man went away and told all over town how much Jesus had done for him.” Luke 8:39

My nephew took his own life. I cry almost every day because of that. I love him so much and I miss him even though he lived far away from me. I had a comfort that I knew that he was alive and well. To know now that I can no longer tease him, or hear his voice call me Auntie Kelly sarcastically hurts deeply. But I am not mourning like someone who has no hope. I praise God every day through my grief. I believe that God’s way is higher than my way and God’s thoughts are higher than my thoughts. I do not question why this happen and more importantly why did my sister have to go through this. I believe in God wholeheartedly and I’ve realized that my faith has grown more intense since my nephew’s death.

When I read today’s scripture in my devotional I knew that I was supposed to write about this. We might not know why we have to face such adversity and pain but we have to remember that our adversity gives us an opportunity to testify about God’s faithfulness. When we tell people about the pain we have experienced (or currently experiencing) and tell about God’s grace and mercy, we are bringing people closer to God. That’s the most important thing that we can do in our life. Introducing someone to God’s salvation or helping someone to grow closer to God is an awesome feeling. And we are being obedient in telling “how much God has done for you.” So I encourage you to testify. Someone needs to hear your story. Someone needs to know how you got to be where you are in your spiritual walk.

Be encouraged. Tell your story. Testify about God’s grace.

Love you with the love of Christ!

Kelly

Testimony Tuesday

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Red Sea

If it had not been the Lord who was on our side — let Israel now say— if it had not been the Lord who was on our side when people rose up against us, then they would have swallowed us up alive, when their anger was kindled against us; then the flood would have swept us away, the torrent would have gone over us; then over us would have gone the raging waters. Blessed be the Lord, who has not given us as prey to their teeth! We have escaped like a bird from the snare of the fowlers; the snare is broken, and we have escaped! Our help is in the name of the Lord, who made heaven and earth. Psalm 124 1:8

Temptation and testing seems to be the way of my life lately. My emotions have been challenged when I am not in a place where I can just roll with them. I thought I had them under control, then one comment on Facebook, one text message, one phone call causes me to be in tears. I finally realized that my grief is not gone, it is simply at another level now. I am finally moving onto the more of an acceptance level. But make no mistake my grief is there.

I read comments from some of my friends yesterday about how they felt about me. The comments sent me into a crying fit because I did not understand how someone could feel that way about me when I did not feel that way about myself. I did not understand how someone could feel certain things about me when at many points in my life I was not the nicest person. So the things they said touched me in a way that I am sure they did not expect. Plus on top of that my feelings about everything is on my shirt sleeve right now. But as I cried uncontrollably I stopped and thought, if it had not been for the Lord on my side where would I be? If I had not decided that Jesus is the way, the death of my nephew and the loss of my job would have sent me into something worse then a crying fit. But because I believe in Jesus Christ I am not swallowed up by my grief and anger. Do not get me wrong I am silently angry about everything but it is controlled because I have given it up to God. I trust that He is working everything out for my good.

I understand more and more that temptations and testing will happen the more that you are closer to your blessing. I have been tempted to cuss people out, seek revenge because of things someone has said or done to me and I have wanted to just do a time out from the world. But everytime I go to do any of that, I remember that the Lord fights all my battles and protects me. There is nothing that comes to me that God will not bring me out of.

Please remember things may look tough right now but you are more than a conquer. You are victorious over all that worries or concerns you. God made you. God made you perfect. Stay calm and trust God for everything. Stand strong.

Love you with the love of Christ,

Kelly

Monday – New Beginnings

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To you alone, O Lord, to you alone, and not to us, must glory be given because of your constant love and faithfulness. Psalm 115:1

The beginning of the week, the beginning of the month and the beginning of the year is our opportunity to start something new. It could be viewed as a do over if your previous week or previous month or previous year did not go as you had expected it. New beginnings are our opportunity to clear the proverbial slate and try again. In trying again, we need to be mindful of doing the same thing over and over again. For example, if we had a bad week last week even though we followed our normal routine, perhaps it is time for us to change our routine. Change the way that we operate.

I picked today’s scripture because sometimes our normal routine is giving ourselves the glory for the things that go well in our lives. We do not take the time to praise God for Him giving us the ability to be successful, for Him aligning the right people in our lives or making our crooked paths straight. Instead we pray to God for Him to do the things that we want done. Not His will but our own. Then when our prayers that we vehemently prayed for does not happen, we become disappointed. We do the same routine. Pray for how we want the situation to go then get upset because it did not happen the way that we prayed it would. God is not a genie.

Know that our destiny has already been planned. God knew who we would be and what we would do while we are on this earth. But because He gave us free will our path to our destiny can be an easy path or difficult. It is totally up to us but understand we will arrive to our destiny no matter what path we decided to take. Even if that means repeating the same thing over and over again.

As I read this scripture, it reminded me that I should be praising God through it all. The good times…. praise God. The bad times…. praise God. The indecisive times….praise God. The “I don’t understand why this is happening” times…. praise God. Nothing that goes in my favor was done by me. It was the glory of God that allowed it to happen. So I give the glory for everything because He knows what He is doing and what He is planning on doing. He knows the plans that He has for us and we should all know that those plans are not to harm us.

So today and this week change your routine. Start your day out by giving God the glory for everything that He has done and for all the things that you are trusting Him to do in your life. Put everything in His hands and do not let anyone throw you off your walk of faith. Keep the faith and try the path of least resistances with God.

Love you with the love of Christ,

Kelly

Wonderful Wednesday

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Run your best in the race of faith, and win eternal life for yourself; for it was to this life that God called you when you firmly professed your faith before many witnesses. 1 Timothy 6:12

Not everyone believes that you have turned your life over to God when you announced your faithfulness. People will point out all of your failures and point out the things that you did/do that prevents you from being a total servant of God. But those people do not know the struggle that you go through everyday to live your life righteously according God. It is a tough battle because the old self wants to stay around while the new self is busting out at the seams. The old self is a comfort while the new self treads on a experience that feels good yet makes you nervous. You’re nervous because of the old known. But you have to preserve because that is what your faith is built on.

The scriptures says to run your best race. That means that when you have doubters, haters and look-loos rooting for your down fall, your faith in God and the process will prove to them that you are more than a conquer. When pain, doubt, and disappointment comes to your door, you are able to answer without hesitation. You are a child of God. You are an heir/heiress. That means that whatever your father has, it will be yours upon his death. Well guess what? Your savior already died, so everything that he has is yours. Peace, love, good fortune, faith, patience, kindness, increase in finances, decrease in debt, healing, understanding, and forgiveness is yours by inheritance. Declare and decree all the blessings that you accept in the name of Jesus. Whatever you have longed for is yours because it has already been yours. You are simply waiting for the manifestation of the blessings. Be patient because it is coming.

God is good. I’m glad that I know him on a personal level. I hope that you too know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. He has helped me through the roughest patches in my life so I know he will help you too. Don’t push God away. Embrace what he has to say. He will never leave you or forsake. Keep the faith my sister, my brother. I pray that everything that you ever dreamed of and prayed for comes to fruition for you.

I love you with the love of Jesus.

Sincerely,

Kelly

Testimony Tuesday

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For this reason I remind you to keep alive the gift that God gave you when I laid my hands on you. For the Spirit that God has given us does not make us timid; instead, his Spirit fills us with power, love, and self-control. Do not be ashamed, then, of witnessing for our Lord; nor be ashamed of me, a prisoner for Christ’s sake. Instead, take your part in suffering for the Good News, as God gives you the strength to do it. 2 Timothy 1:6-8

It’s been a couple of days since I wrote last. I stopped because I thought I was not hearing the Holy Spirit anymore. The doubt began to creep in. I did not think anyone would care what I had to say at this point, because I did not have some profound revelation or some miraculous breakthrough. I am still that woman that has been struck repeatedly in the recent months by major setbacks. I have no idea why things are happening to me. I have no idea of how I am going to come out on the other side so I can be a witness to other people. So again, doubt began to creep in. With that doubt came the wavering of my faith. I mean I would go through the motions but my belief system was being pushed to the limits.

This morning as I prayed, I asked God to reveal to me my purpose. I cannot just be out here with no direction. My life had such structure to it and within the last year my infrastructure has crumbled. I am trying to rebuild but with out the blueprints I do not have a clue of where to begin. So I prayed. I prayed by declaring and decreeing that my life will have structure to it. I prayed that by the blood of Jesus that I would be made whole…… tenfold. I prayed that whatever was taken from me would be come clear soon. I prayed that I could relate to Job, Moses, Esther and David. I prayed that God use me in a way so that I would understand that the heartbreak and disappointment that I was experiencing would become clear. I prayed. After I prayed I got on my morning conference call. The topic was 2 Timothy 1:6-7. I read on to 2 Timothy 1:8. That is when I realized that God heard what I prayed for.

Here is the point of today’s blog. We ask in faith to God to reveal things to us or to heal us or to direct us but then we do not activite our faith. We do not stay persist in doing what is laid on our hearts to do. Just because it is something that is uncomfortable or something that is out of character or something that does not yield dividends does not mean that it is not God answering us. We need to ask, believe it is already done and act in faith. So today I write. I wrote because I know that is one of the things that God had put on my heart a long time ago. To be transparent so others can be inspired or encouraged to move forward regardless of what the circumstances my look like now. Do not doubt what God has whispered to you through music, devotionals or people. Do not be stagnant. Move forward. Do not be afraid.

We are made to persist. That’s how we find out who we are. – Tobias Wolff

Love you much & I will be back!

Kelly

Trials & Tribulations Thursday

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Perserverance

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12

Today I did not want to get out of bed. I was about to go down that road of why should I, it does not matter. Then my clock radio went off. As you may have read yesterday, I was having issues with my radio. Yesterday it would not do anything but play static. It interrupted my morning. Today it was clear and loud. It played as though yesterday did not exist. I had not moved the radio nor had I adjusted the antennae. It played like yesterday did not happen. What was more interesting was what the DJ was saying. He said, “there are no problems just a process”. That stunned me for a second because I thought about all my “problems” I am/have gone through. I believe that everything happens for a reason that will be disclosed at a later time if we are open to really knowing. But I had never thought about exchanging my “problems” to my “process”. So I hit the snooze. 10 minutes later the radio went off again. Clear and loud. This time it played the exact same song as yesterday. The song sang to me, “This is your season for grace and mercy. This is your season to reap what you have sown”.

I have come to the conclusion that things that make us uncomfortable and challenge our faith will happen. It is how we handle the discomfort. Will we cry uncontrollably? Will we become a monster to everyone around us? Will we become detached from the world? Will we start doing self-destructive things? Whatever we choose to do in a time of trials and tribulations is up to us. God gave us free will. But in our free will we have to think, do any of those self-destructive ways help us through the trials? Do they change what has happen to us or around us? The answer is no. It still happened. Yesterday is gone. Yesterday cannot be changed or altered. Just like my clock radio, today is a new day that is clear and you can make it as you wish.

Perhaps you have to make some of adjustments of your life because of your trials and tribulations, but do so with thanksgiving. God did not create you for failure. He created you for greatness. It is only up to you as to how long you want to operate in defeat or sadness. It is up to you of how long you want to take to discover your destiny. But know you will discover it. You can take the quick way or the long way. It is all up to you and your attitude. Will you allow today to be clear? Or will you still be disturbed by the interruption of yesterday? You decide.

God be with you. Grace and Mercy.

Love you,

Kelly

Miracle-Receiving Monday

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 Praising

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6

There is a song that (I believe) says, “when I look back over my life and I think things over; I have a testimony.”  I’m at a point that I am excited about the testimony that I am going to have once I come out on the other side of everything I’ve experienced within a year. My testimony will be about perseverance in the face of major adversity. My testimony will be about exponential growth. My testimony will be about a peace that surpasses all understanding. My testimony will be about an increase in income and a decrease in debt. My testimony will be about the happiness that I found within. I believe in my testimony coming because I am very confident that the work that God has started in me will be perfected up until the day I close my eyes to wake up on the other side. I know that he is not done with me yet.

I have so many cliches that are floating around in my head but this is the best one that I have for you, “you wouldn’t have a testimony without a test.” If you are like me, you are thinking how can I get over this and use this for good. (You fill in what “this” is.) How can I smile when I just lost my job and I have no idea how I am going to make ends meet? How can I smile when I am a 45 year old divorce parent of a teenager? How can I smile when my beautiful nephew ended his own life? I will tell you how, through the strength of Jesus Christ who strengthens you. That is the only way how. I will be honest with you, no one can comfort me right now. No one has the right words to say to me and if they say the wrong thing, that’s trouble. So who do I turn to? God. He is an ever-present help in a time of trouble. He is always the same.

So whatever you may be going through right now, start performing your testimony. Speak it into existence. Imagine the people that you are going to tell about it. Think about how you are going to change someone’s outlook on life because you spoke possibilities into their life. Just because you can not see the wonderful outcome of your trials right now, know that it is coming. You will come out of this storm better than when you went into it. And you will be the reason someone will be able to survive their storm.

Stay faithful and expect great things to happen to YOU! Praise HIM through your storm.

Love you with the love of Christ,

Kelly

Fantastic Friday

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Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him, and he will help you. He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun. Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. Psalms 37:4-7

From my reading it states that to take delight in someone, you have to know that person. So in order for us to take delight in the Lord we need to get to know him. How do you get to know someone? Well, there are numerous ways to get to know someone now. But the most effective way is talking. When you talk to someone you get to know their desires, hopes and dreams. You get to know the soul of another person. God wants you to do the same to him. He wants you to bear all you hopes and your burdens to him. Let him become that trusted advisor.

It’s interesting that with everything that has happened in my life over the last 90 days, I’ve found myself more and more by myself. I don’t feel like talking on the phone or being out with people right now. I don’t want anyone to ask that dreaded question, “how are you”. Because then I would have to answer honestly……..”I’m not ok. I’m functioning.” So I’ve been communicating more and more with the Lord. I’ve been telling him the desires of my heart. I’ve been trusting him with everything that is happening and with everything that is going to happen. I know that he knows the plans that he has for me and those plans are to prosper me in every area that has been affected. For everything that has been taken from me it will return tenfold. So that means that I will shine like the noonday sun soon. But in the meantime, I need to be still. Accept being by myself and wait patiently on the Lord to act.

We all face tough times. Things we have no comprehension of will happen to us. The key to surviving is giving up. Give up worrying, wondering and trying to fix our problems. Take delight in the Lord. Trust that he has our best interest at heart. Where man has forsaken you, the Lord will not. He loves you like no one else can or ever will. Rest on his promises and take heart that he is moving on your behalf. Matter of fact, it’s already done. Believe that!

Keep the faith my friend. The Lord loves you and so do I!

Kelly

Thought Provoking Thursday

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Storm

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

1 Corinthians 15:58

Yesterday I was totally caught off guard. The organization that I work for told me that they are letting everyone in my department go. I can reapply for my job and perhaps I will be rehired. If not, my last day is in about 1 month. And to add insult to injury, they said please do business as normal until then. Business as usual.

But it is not business as usual when your world has turned upside down. It is not business as usual when your heart has been broken. It is not business as usual when you feel so beat up from life that you can not get out the bed. It is not business as usual when you just do not have a clue of what you are suppose to do next. What do you do? If you are a believer, you stand.

Let nothing move you. Remain steadfast in praising, petitioning and expressing gratitude to our Lord and Savior. He is a ever-present help in a world that is topsy-turvy. What we experience God already knew it was going to happen. Which means he already knows how victorious we will be on the other side of our trials. We just need to remain faithful. Never lose hope because for after every storm there is sunshine. It may seem so tough at times but bad times do not last.

For me, I’ve decided to give myself to the Lord’s work. I’m going to try something new. I’m going to listen to that small voice and allow that voice to guide me. If the Lord says my work will not be in vain, then I believe it. Today I step out on faith fully even though my heart is broken because I loss my nephew to suicide. I step out on faith fully even though I am a divorced. I step out on faith fully even though my son has sickle cell anemia. I step out on faith fully even though they said I’ve loss my job. I step out on faith fully even though………

I encourage you today to step out on faith. Do what is in your heart today. Let go of whatever is holding you back. Release whatever is troubling you. Let God take over. I promise you your labor will not be in vain.

Love you with love of Christ,

Kelly