Category Archives: acceptance

Woman of Excellence

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As we read Becoming a Woman of Excellence by Cynthia Heald, I hope to fully understand and exhibit what it means to truly be a woman of excellence. When I think of excellence, I used to think  of women who have achieve much financially, in their careers and socially. I thought of women that could handle a career, a husband and children and look flawless while doing it. (Perhaps I watched too much television) I never thought about a woman of excellence being someone that has achieved much spiritually until recently.

I’m reading and listening to stories about women that have gone through some things in life. Things that I can sometimes relate to and some things that I feel there is no way that I could recover from, let alone discuss with other women. But the one thing that I have discovered is that there are a slew of women that fall into the category of excellence. These women are not CEO’s, they have not achieve phenomenal financial success (or any) and they have not met, dated and married Mr. Right. These are women who have the courage to get up every day and exist. Even if their existence isn’t what they thought life would bring them, they do it any way.

I’m realizing that my story, my trials, my trauma, my ridiculous thoughts can possibly help someone. I’m finding that we all have similarities. Those similarities can be through our hopes and our dreams or through our perceived failures and faults. Whatever they are, by sharing them we can help release each other from the bondage of self-inflicted isolation or loneliness or even our prideful ways.

I had lunch with a young lady the other day. Everyone told me that she was “crazy”. I hate that word when describing someone but nonetheless that is what I had heard repeatedly. However I know that God is working on me. He is showing me that everything that I have held near and dear means absolutely nothing if I do not have a relationship with him first. So in my walk with God and in faith, I am looking at people in a different light. Perhaps it out of love instead of preconceived thoughts. Who knows?!

Anyway, I met with this lady. She was being timed (yes, that’s what I do). I was completely shocked from our conversation. Our paths were extremely similar. The only difference was she was an overcomer. She had overcome her issues, weariness, lack of faith, confusion, and was walking on the other side. I was not and am not. She reminded me of myself after being completely stripped of everything and having to function as a new person. And in that new way of functioning you don’t react the same way you used to. You don’t think the same way you used to. You walk and talk in a new way and you could be viewed as crazy.

So now when I think of Becoming a Woman of Excellence, I think of a woman full of courage to take on every thing life has to throw at her with grace while extending mercy to others. Achieving things is easy. Achieving spiritual maturity is a difficult journey. As I said today, one minute you are on top of the world, the next moment the world is on top of you. Spiritual maturity is what helps you walk through that valley no matter how hard it is. It is that comforting feeling knowing that God’s rod and staff is there to protect you and to give you rest when you need it.

I was awarded the Woman of Excellence award last year. I laugh at it now because of how I define excellence. I know I’m not there. Yet.

Take Courage

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Jesus on water

But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. Matthew 14:27-31

I know it has been a while. I apologize for the lag. I have been trying desperately to get my thoughts together so they will be worthwhile to read about. After reading my daily devotional this morning, it hit me that it was time for me to write again.

I decided to talk about this particular scripture because it describes exactly how I was feeling. I pray frequently to God for guidance and assistance, he gives it to me and then I doubt it was his assistance. I begin to sink even after I hear Jesus say, “come” or occasionally “go”. Have you ever felt that? It gave me chills this morning when I read this because I have been struggling with a couple of things. I believe in those struggles that Jesus has said to me, “Chill out. Sit down. Be patient.” But unfortunately I do not know how. I am a doer. I think I’m chilling out but in actuality I am only appearing to be chilling out. I might be sitting still but my mind is going 100 miles per hour. I’m thinking about where am I going to find a job. Is this relationship going to work out? How am I going to pay these bills without an income? Is my son getting everything he needs from me? Then let’s not even talk about incorporating social media into that overloaded thinking process. Just thinking about it now makes me want to scream!

I believe that God made me sit down (and sit down for real) recently. I was hospitalized for 6 days. I have never in my life been in the hospital that long. The longest I’ve ever been in the hospital, I came home with a baby. So this was a rude awakening because it was so unexpected. I had been walking around with a blood clot in my leg for approximately 3 weeks and pneumonia for almost 2 weeks. No signs. No warnings. But now that I think about it, were there warnings? I try to keep myself so busy that any aches and pains are blown off. I knew my leg hurt but I nursed it myself. I knew I could barely breathe but I self-medicated (take that however you want). So finally when I could not take any more my body began shutting down. It was the scariest thing to ever experience not to mention to experience it alone. All I could imagine was my son coming home from school finding my dead body. That is what got me to move.

While in the hospital I would not allow anyone to bring me my laptop or tablet. I had my phone but I could only read so much of Facebook and Instagram. The television programs were a joke. So I had nothing but time to talk to God and do something different, listen. The interesting thing is the Holy Spirit has always spoken to me. I’ve just always blown it off as my own thoughts playing tricks on me. So the difference this time was everything that was said to me came to pass. I told the Holy Spirit I wasn’t ready to die but if it was my time, please make sure my son would be provided for and comforted. I was told to stop it but I did need to get my life in ORDER. I told the Holy Spirit I didn’t think I did my insurance stuff correctly and every time they took me for a test or gave me medicine I was racking up a bill I had no possible way of paying. I was told to stop it, I am your PROVIDER. I’m here and my bills are paid in full. Major rude awakening.

I have come to realize that the Holy Spirit has said to me, “come” many times and my soul was willing but my flesh was not. I would then sink and begin screaming out, “HELP ME!” Every time God reaches his hand out to me and catches me. My lesson from a couple of particular pitfalls I put myself in? Listen. I need to trust God with all my heart and not depend on my own understanding. God operates in such a way that we can not even begin to understand. His ways are so much higher than our ways. We just need to trust and believe. That voice in your head or that “gut” feeling or that intuition that you are feeling needs to be really paid attention to. It could be the Holy Spirit directing your path to greatness. Don’t sink.

Love you!

Kelly G.

Welcome 2015

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Possibilities

In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God. John 1:1

Happy New Year! 2015 is the year of change.

I was invited to a friend’s church last night for New Year’s eve. The Pastor spoke about an Exodus experience. I thought it was different to talk about an exodus when we are entering a new year. But when he explained the definition of exodus, it made more sense. He defined exodus as moving from one place to another. He also said it is moving out and going from.

Exodus in the bible refers to the Israelite’s leaving Egypt. The Pastor talked about this exodus from Egypt to go to the promise land. The promise land is a land that is flowing with milk and honey, Exodus 3:7-12. The Pastor said that we all needed to go through an exodus experience. I thought, he had less than an hour to bring this thought to an end before the new year. And I wanted him to make it good and relevant to this New Year’s eve’s Watch Service. (I have difficulty focusing if I can’t grasp the concept.)

The Pastor explained 6 ways to have an Exodus Experience. Here are the ways to have an Exodus Experience:

1. God knows what you are going through. What you are going through or what you have gone through is no surprise to God. He knew what you were going to experience. When you’re praying you don’t have to do a recap because God already knew the disappointment that you would have, the hurt that you would feel and the loss that you would experience. You just have to acknowledge those experience and asked God to give you strength to get through the “bad” times.

2. Declare I am coming out or I am walking out. (This should’ve been done before the end of 2014.) This is when you declare not to be a slave to old habits or addictions. Once you stop being a slave you need to quit having slave mentalities. Some of the slave mentalities that I confirmed that I was giving up was procrastination, bitterness, reliving the past, and unforgiveness.

3. You can only have an exodus experience when you realize you had enough of Egypt land. You have to make a decision that you are tired of the way the things are. You can stay in Egypt land where you are abused, misused and mistreated or you can make the decision that it is time to walk away. When you’re ready to be treated the way that you want to be treated, you’ll make the decision to walk out of Egypt land.

4. Knowing you’re not in the right place….yet. You might not know where you’re suppose to be but you know you’re not where you suppose to be. The right place can be compared to the seasons in our lives. You might be going through a rough season but know that all seasons come to an end. Sooner or later the season will run out. Be patient.

5. It’s not about you being let out. It’s about you breaking out. This is when you act on being done with whatever is holding you back. This is after you did your planning. This is when you put your plan to action. Consider this your breakthrough!

6. It’s not just about coming out but it’s also about coming in. Know when you leave something you will step into something new. The Israelite’s came out of Egypt to go into the promise land. Your conscious decision to come out of whatever was holding you back in 2014 will bring you into your promise land in 2015. Believe that!

I want to have an exodus experience. I feel like that I have experienced a partial exodus experience but I am ready to move from Egypt land to the promise land. I just need to figure out what I am willing to leave in 2014. I have identified quite a few thus far. Many people won’t like my decisions but again, I’m ready to move to my promise land.

It’s time for you to move from where you are. It’s time for you to move into your promise land. But know that in order for you to move to your promise land, you have to let go of some things. Let go of what was holding you back in 2014. This is your opportunity to go through your exodus experience. 2015 holds a great amount of opportunities for you. You just have to make the decision to seize them. This is your year…….if you want it.

Happy New Year my friends!

Kelly

Goodbye 2014

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But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God.They are reborn—not with a physical birth resulting from human passion or plan, but a birth that comes from God. John 1:12-13

I’ve been reborn. I now believe it. I didn’t believe it before but now I know it’s true. What I used to think were issues that I prayed for strength for cannot even compare to the things I’m going through now. Yet I find myself calmer now. Even though these trials are rough, my brain doesn’t immediately go to dread and of no hope.
This year has been a testimony of faith. What I truly thought was being used for my mental breakdown has been used really for my good.
Yes, I’m divorced (again). But I’m free of miscommunication and pain. I’ve learned some valuable lessons about myself. Lessons on what it means to be a woman, a wife, and a mother. I see where I messed up. My relationship reflected how I felt about myself. Unsure, unreliable, flaky, and untrustworthy. I’ve learned me. And I love me.
Yes, I’m unemployed. It’s been almost 2 months that I haven’t had a job. I disliked my job. It was boring and it was not fulfilling me. I stayed because the money trapped me. I spent money frivolously. I didn’t budget. I just made sure my bills were paid. Well guess what I have to do now? Budget and watch my pennies.

Yes, my beloved nephew committed suicide. I finally realize it was to stop his pain. It doesn’t mean he gave up. It means he wanted something better. He taught me to love my son and trust that God has him covered. I’m just his guide through this life. So truthfully when he died the old Kelly died too. His death has taught me to be unafraid and live my life for God, no one else. God is the only one that I’m looking forward to saying, “well done”.

I look forward to 2015. I will consider it the year of my rebirth. New love. New career. New commitment to life. I’m open to what’s to come and I know it will be worth 2014.

Kelly

Total Trust

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Don’t put your trust in mere humans. They are as frail as breath. What good are they? Isaiah 2:22

Your breath can stop at any moment. You could attempt to take a deep breath and be unable to catch your breath. It could be environmental issues, it could be medical issues, it could be self inflicted issues but no matter what the issue is you fail to catch your breath. The passage says that humans are as frail as breath. That means that you relying on people could be short lived. People can be unreliable, selfish and shortsighted. As easy as it is for you to lose your breath, it’s just as easy for a person to betray your trust.

When I go into any relationship, I usually tell a person that I will trust them until they make me take my trust away. I am setting them and the relationship up for failure. The only person that I should trust in any relationship is God. He is completely reliable. He has yet to fail me or forsake me. Instead of putting my trust in people and our relationships, I need to learn how to trust God’s plan for the relationship. Some people are put in our life for a season. When the season is over, know the purpose he or she had in your life was to assist you along your spiritual journey. When their time is up and it’s time for them to leave, don’t fight it. He or she served their purpose. Cherish and keep the memories but let them go.

We tend to try to make a square peg go into a round slot. It doesn’t work. No matter how much you try, it won’t work. No matter how much you plead, it won’t work. No matter how much you try to manipulate it, it won’t work. It’s just like relationships, if it isn’t meant to be, it won’t work. Stop putting all your trust in that person and then getting upset when they let you down. Remember God is the only one that is completely reliable. We can rely on his unfailing love and trust in his plans that he has for us.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding. Trust in the Lord not people.

Be incredibly blessed!

Kelly

Patience

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“Don’t call me Naomi,” she responded. “Instead, call me Mara, for the Almighty has made life very bitter for me. Ruth 1:20

Naomi changed her name because of the bitterness and pain she felt. She lost her husband and her 2 sons. She felt that God was punishing her because of the grief she was experiencing. It wasn’t that she was turning away from God because of what she was going through, it was just that she didn’t understand what she was going through. Nor did she know what her future held for her. Her faith and trust in God was wavering.
I can relate as I know some of you can too. We face some very difficult situations. Things that throw us off our square completely. We might become so distraught in our anguish that we too might want to change our name to represent the pain we are going through or to represent the fear we have of the unknown. But we have to remember our connection with the one that will deliver us from our fears, our pain and our confusion. God is a ever present resource to lean on.
God knows what we’re going through. And just like he knows what we’re going through, he also knows how we’re going to get through it. It’s about trusting and believing. I know it’s easier said than done but what other choice do we have. Worrying, crying or being upset about our situation does not change what we’re experiencing. It just magnifies the situation and makes it worse.
Today when you’re mind goes to worrying or replaying things that upset you or plays tricks about situations you don’t even know if it happened or not, change the thought. Yes, as simple as that. Change the thought. When you feel that feeling welling up inside you say, “God is my strength. God is my refuge. My situation is being resolved by the Almighty!” Try it. I’ve been doing it and it feels like my load has been lightened.
Know that whatever it is you’re going through that God loves you so much. He will never take you through anything that he hasn’t already planned to turn into something good just for you.

I love you with the love of God!

Kelly

Wellness Wednesday

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Hope

Don’t put your confidence in powerful people; there is no help for you there. Psalm 146:3

When I read this passage today it made me laugh. In my daily interactions I see more and more people putting their confidence in people to help them achieve happiness or success. They hope that the people they are focused on can bring about a change in their lives. They look to these people to help them move forward in life or to get a better life. Perhaps they think, “if only I stay with him or her a little while longer, he or she will change and then things will be better.” Or maybe it’s, “I know I should not be interacting with this person but if I just stick with him or her, I’ll finally be where I need to be.” I think that is sad that people depend on other people for their satisfaction and success in life. People will fail you every time. You’ll find yourself accepting things that you swore that you would never accept. Doing things that was never in your character or a part of your belief system. And why? Because you thought that would help you get more money, be loved, be accepted, move up the corporate ladder or just to not be lonely any longer. Guess what? You don’t have to do it any more.

God is waiting for you to totally surrender yourself to Him. Give up worrying about how you’re going to make it to the next level. Trust God. Give up worrying about what he or she is doing when they are not in front of you. Trust God. Give up worrying about how the bills will be paid. Trust God. Give up worrying about whether you will ever have enough. Trust God. Don’t compromise yourself for a quick moment of satisfaction. What is meant for you will be for you no matter what. You don’t have to accept being less than what you are just to feel adequate. That’s not what you were put here for. You are magnificent just the way you are. God doesn’t make mistakes and you my dear are by far no mistake!

So if you’re unhappy in your relationship, your job or your current situation, release it to God and walk away from it. Do not put your confidence in anyone any longer. Trust your own intuition and move forward with confidence in yourself and God. Be confident that who began a good thing in you will carry it on to completion. With or without certain people in your life. Be sure of that.

Be at peace with yourself. Know your change is coming and it will be wonderful!

Love you with the love of Christ,

Kelly

Testimony Tuesday

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Red Sea

If it had not been the Lord who was on our side — let Israel now say— if it had not been the Lord who was on our side when people rose up against us, then they would have swallowed us up alive, when their anger was kindled against us; then the flood would have swept us away, the torrent would have gone over us; then over us would have gone the raging waters. Blessed be the Lord, who has not given us as prey to their teeth! We have escaped like a bird from the snare of the fowlers; the snare is broken, and we have escaped! Our help is in the name of the Lord, who made heaven and earth. Psalm 124 1:8

Temptation and testing seems to be the way of my life lately. My emotions have been challenged when I am not in a place where I can just roll with them. I thought I had them under control, then one comment on Facebook, one text message, one phone call causes me to be in tears. I finally realized that my grief is not gone, it is simply at another level now. I am finally moving onto the more of an acceptance level. But make no mistake my grief is there.

I read comments from some of my friends yesterday about how they felt about me. The comments sent me into a crying fit because I did not understand how someone could feel that way about me when I did not feel that way about myself. I did not understand how someone could feel certain things about me when at many points in my life I was not the nicest person. So the things they said touched me in a way that I am sure they did not expect. Plus on top of that my feelings about everything is on my shirt sleeve right now. But as I cried uncontrollably I stopped and thought, if it had not been for the Lord on my side where would I be? If I had not decided that Jesus is the way, the death of my nephew and the loss of my job would have sent me into something worse then a crying fit. But because I believe in Jesus Christ I am not swallowed up by my grief and anger. Do not get me wrong I am silently angry about everything but it is controlled because I have given it up to God. I trust that He is working everything out for my good.

I understand more and more that temptations and testing will happen the more that you are closer to your blessing. I have been tempted to cuss people out, seek revenge because of things someone has said or done to me and I have wanted to just do a time out from the world. But everytime I go to do any of that, I remember that the Lord fights all my battles and protects me. There is nothing that comes to me that God will not bring me out of.

Please remember things may look tough right now but you are more than a conquer. You are victorious over all that worries or concerns you. God made you. God made you perfect. Stay calm and trust God for everything. Stand strong.

Love you with the love of Christ,

Kelly

Throwback Thursday

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But those who trust in the Lord for help will find their strength renewed. They will rise on wings like eagles; they will run and not get weary; they will walk and not grow weak. Isaiah 40:31

I remember sitting in church with my grandmother Garrett and the choir was singing “I Will Trust in The Lord”. I clearly remember the part where my grandmother would sing a smidgen louder, “I’m going to stay on the battlefield until I die.” I thought that was a bit much. I did not understand as a child what that meant to stay on the battlefield until I die. As a child, if things got too tough I would run from the battlefield! No way was I going to stay and fight. I valued my life too much. But now as an adult, I get it. And boy do I get it!!

I do not believe that anyone will get the true meaning of that song until you have really experienced some things. I have been in church singing:

Trust in the Lord
I’ll trust in the Lord
I will trust in the Lord
Until I die

I’m gonna stay on the battlefield
I’m gonna stay on the battlefield
I’m gonna stay on the battlefield
Until I die

I’m gonna treat everybody right
I’m gonna treat everybody right
I’m gonna treat everybody right
Until I die

Not truly understanding what it meant to stay on “the battlefield”. The battlefield has been defined for me within the last year, the last month, the last day. The battlefield is your mind, your spirit, your body, your relationships, and whatever else causes us to put our trust and confidence in the Lord. It may seem like things are happening to us and around us but we have to remain faithful that the power and protection of God is present. Whatever negative experience we have had IS the battlefield. We just need to know what weapon to bring to the battle. That negative experience was put there to take our life, our mind or the use of our body. But remember no weapon formed against us will prosper as long as we use our weapon of faith and hope. As soon as we lose hope we go running away just like I thought I would when I was a little girl sitting next to my grandmother. Then the battle is over.

Today remain faithful throughout whatever you are going through. Do not lose hope. There is no time for that. The battle is not yours, it’s the Lord’s. Release your worries and concerns to the Lord. Keep this in your head all day today and tomorrow, “I’m going to stay on the battlefield. Until I die.” Be blessed my brother and my sister. The Lord is with you today and will be with you always.

Love you with the love of Christ!

Kelly

Trials & Tribulations Thursday

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Perserverance

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12

Today I did not want to get out of bed. I was about to go down that road of why should I, it does not matter. Then my clock radio went off. As you may have read yesterday, I was having issues with my radio. Yesterday it would not do anything but play static. It interrupted my morning. Today it was clear and loud. It played as though yesterday did not exist. I had not moved the radio nor had I adjusted the antennae. It played like yesterday did not happen. What was more interesting was what the DJ was saying. He said, “there are no problems just a process”. That stunned me for a second because I thought about all my “problems” I am/have gone through. I believe that everything happens for a reason that will be disclosed at a later time if we are open to really knowing. But I had never thought about exchanging my “problems” to my “process”. So I hit the snooze. 10 minutes later the radio went off again. Clear and loud. This time it played the exact same song as yesterday. The song sang to me, “This is your season for grace and mercy. This is your season to reap what you have sown”.

I have come to the conclusion that things that make us uncomfortable and challenge our faith will happen. It is how we handle the discomfort. Will we cry uncontrollably? Will we become a monster to everyone around us? Will we become detached from the world? Will we start doing self-destructive things? Whatever we choose to do in a time of trials and tribulations is up to us. God gave us free will. But in our free will we have to think, do any of those self-destructive ways help us through the trials? Do they change what has happen to us or around us? The answer is no. It still happened. Yesterday is gone. Yesterday cannot be changed or altered. Just like my clock radio, today is a new day that is clear and you can make it as you wish.

Perhaps you have to make some of adjustments of your life because of your trials and tribulations, but do so with thanksgiving. God did not create you for failure. He created you for greatness. It is only up to you as to how long you want to operate in defeat or sadness. It is up to you of how long you want to take to discover your destiny. But know you will discover it. You can take the quick way or the long way. It is all up to you and your attitude. Will you allow today to be clear? Or will you still be disturbed by the interruption of yesterday? You decide.

God be with you. Grace and Mercy.

Love you,

Kelly