But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God.They are reborn—not with a physical birth resulting from human passion or plan, but a birth that comes from God. John 1:12-13

I’ve been reborn. I now believe it. I didn’t believe it before but now I know it’s true. What I used to think were issues that I prayed for strength for cannot even compare to the things I’m going through now. Yet I find myself calmer now. Even though these trials are rough, my brain doesn’t immediately go to dread and of no hope.
This year has been a testimony of faith. What I truly thought was being used for my mental breakdown has been used really for my good.
Yes, I’m divorced (again). But I’m free of miscommunication and pain. I’ve learned some valuable lessons about myself. Lessons on what it means to be a woman, a wife, and a mother. I see where I messed up. My relationship reflected how I felt about myself. Unsure, unreliable, flaky, and untrustworthy. I’ve learned me. And I love me.
Yes, I’m unemployed. It’s been almost 2 months that I haven’t had a job. I disliked my job. It was boring and it was not fulfilling me. I stayed because the money trapped me. I spent money frivolously. I didn’t budget. I just made sure my bills were paid. Well guess what I have to do now? Budget and watch my pennies.

Yes, my beloved nephew committed suicide. I finally realize it was to stop his pain. It doesn’t mean he gave up. It means he wanted something better. He taught me to love my son and trust that God has him covered. I’m just his guide through this life. So truthfully when he died the old Kelly died too. His death has taught me to be unafraid and live my life for God, no one else. God is the only one that I’m looking forward to saying, “well done”.

I look forward to 2015. I will consider it the year of my rebirth. New love. New career. New commitment to life. I’m open to what’s to come and I know it will be worth 2014.

Kelly